Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
