Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
