omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
