i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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