two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
