Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
