After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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