i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
