I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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