Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
