i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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