He is an equal opportunity slut.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
