Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We are all done wearing pants today
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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