So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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