her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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