Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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