i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
