You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
