I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
