haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
