You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
