You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
