Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
did i walk over a car last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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