You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
