I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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