she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
