I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
