he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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