Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
