last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
