I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
