vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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