I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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