thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Randomize
