just tell him i said nine months
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
