I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
