The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
