My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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