no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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