When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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