If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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