She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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