My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
