Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
