he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
