goodnight i made you a song goodbye
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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