On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
