There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
