my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
