well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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