he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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