I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
