Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
