I wish life had little blips of pornography
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
