So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
