dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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