I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
