Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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