I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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