It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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