That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
