he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
They are going to name an STD after you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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