Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
