We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
