sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
