Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
