I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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