She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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