Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
